Wake up, phone ringing
Dad's voice on the line:
It's over, he went quickly
considering his condition
he had a long life it was his time
First of his siblings
First born, first gone.
Grandma and grandpa with him
three of his sisters sitting
by his side as he left at the break of dawn
Who am I to sing this song?
Your sister's daughter, here and gone
Never stuck around to get to know you
only met at parties parents made me go to
I should shut my mouth and let people mourn
We raced in your wheelchair
tried the gadgets on your bed
So long ago, many years now
still remember my childish fear when I
couldn't understand what you said
So much of you hard to understand
the way you spoke, how you held your hands
as I got older things grew clearer
though it didn't bring us any nearer
you were still as much stranger as family
First of a generation
so close to mine to go
I watch my parents struggle not to cry
catch myself wondering when they'll die
And apparently now dad has quit smoking
though when he first told me I was sure he was joking
It's just a matter of time now, and we all know.
Car music on: the same old Loop Troop CD played a million times
My mind goes off and wanders to a time when you were almost mine
always the same scenario in my head: You look me up, or somehow we meet
after that it all gets blurry, I can't imagine how it would be
At this point I don't know
whether I'd know you if I saw you
Though admittedly, the risk of that specific situation
ever happening in reality is somewhat low
Another car, another life, another song playing
Hands down (your favorite), as I found out what was going on or rather what wasn't
I was leaving anyway, study permits don't last forever
one way ticket back to mom's house, and that was the end of my brave endeavor
now this wasn't last month, or even last year has it been that long?
If you found me, would it show?
All the time passed, all the things learned
Though admittedly, the risk of that specific situation
ever happening in reality is somewhat low
Doesn't it strike you as kind of unfair
that you're in Canada living life
and I'm here writing songs about you?
But what do I know?
You could be dead from cancer, hit by a train
or whatever else I don't know, cause you never called me.
At this point I don't know
whether I'd know you If I saw you
If you found me, would it show?
All the time passed, all the things learned
Have they changed me? I think so
So if you did show up to make my dreams come true
I couldn't take you back if I wanted to
Though admittedly, the risk of that specific situation
ever happening in reality is somewhat low
I guess you could still own up and let me know what really happened,
we'd talk and together decide to let each other go
But as we both know that's never gonna happen
I took the liberty myself, and I said goodbye though you'll never know.
A conversation to pass the time
some harmless gossip all in good fun
tell me yours and I'll tell you mine
a rumor never hurt anyone
besides, we all know that it's the truth
and truth can never be wrong to tell
Wouldn't you agree it's wasteful
abstaining from something we do so well?
Wringing every drop of information
from any & every single thing we see
a conversation is never just conversation
better analyze all the things it could mean
He said she said
They said we said
an intricate web of complex clues
innuendo, valuable ammunition
saved for later use
And that's not counting the secret stuff
the things we keep between you and me
we understand their sensitive nature
and those things we just tell a friend or three
Wringing every drop...
It's getting tiresome
The thing is: we have no real information
of the consequences of what we say
A conversation is never just conversation
sometimes it comes with a price to pay
We've got to start thinking of what we say
I've got to start thinking of what I say
So this is the cliché, the joke out of hand
the game gone wrong for lack of a plan
I scramble my clothes off the bedroom floor
don't make a sound as I close the door
shielding my eyes from the morning sun
through the kitchen window what have I done?
How to explain what I did
I simply lived up to expectations
I went along, I kissed him back
I fell into the act
Don't know what to do, so I make a call
her voice is distorted, strained and small
How much were you wearing when you woke?
Should I call you a doctor or can you cope?
I'm in rush just now, alright?
gotta go to work, guess I'll see you tonight.
hang up the phone like I have a choice
stung by the harsh tone in her voice
No need to say that what I did
didn't meet her expectations
I know it's hard to relate
it wasn't like a proper rape
You wake up in a pile of coats
and somebody's tongue is down your throat
don't remember saying no
besides, who'd do something that low
technically he's done nothing wrong
if you were consenting all along
How to explain what I did
my judgment was ruled by expectations
let's be honest, I'm no nun
I wasn't sure what I had done
the girl abused, poor little lamb
I'm sorry but that's not who I am
Before I know it, it's too late
I've sabotaged my own escape
and without a second look
forever let him off the hook
I can't explain what I did
but it had something to do with expectations
Obvious things I couldn't see
'cause I didn't expect them to happen to me
See, I'm in control, I make the rules
I don't take crap and I'm nobody's fool
and there it is, just goes to show
how little about yourself you know
As you looked at me, not really saying anything
I wondered what went through your mind
I doubt you realize how terrifying this is for me
yet I'm sick of trying to hide
If you don't say those things out loud
it's almost like they never happened
keep them locked up deep inside
and tell yourself it means you've trapped them
All those years perfecting strategies of subterfuge
made me melt right into the ground
I got so good at hiding, I may have lost myself
I need your help now to be found
I'm so tired of playing games
I'm tired of always losing
tried to force myself to change
but that just made things more confusing
I'm used to handling stuff alone
but I can't do this on my own
I need you here with me
to help me through this
If you don't...
I've grown tired of playing games
I'm tired of always losing
tired of hoping things will change
but never finding a solution
I'm used to handling stuff alone.
It took me a while to come around
This song is not about Kyle, it's time I finally got my act together
and let you know what's happening now
cause honey, you know that stuff is gone forever
I am here cause I want to be
you're the only one for me
in case you couldn't tell from this goofy smile
I'm'a stick around here for a while
It's easy to write about the past
spreading light on ancient history's fine, but this song scares me
the present passes by so fast
and even worse: I don't where it takes me
but it's time to take that step
however scary it may get
So this is me officially letting go
cause I don't want you to wonder, I want you to know.
There's so many ways you've saved the day
Apart from being the world's most adorable monster impersonator
you gave me the space to find my way
and the time to shed my skin of love'em and leave'em serial dater
Let's keep seeing where this goes
how it changes, how it grows
if you're ready for the long haul honey, I'm in
cause for the first time
in a long time
I've found something that feels like win-win.
Just cause he said it and he meant it
that doesn't mean that it's the truth
Do you know what to do?
He'll listen to you
Perhaps you're tired of debating
of being questioned constantly
But what if you hold the key
to set him free?
Being friends isn't always a slumber party
and you hate yourself for not finding the right things to say
just when he needs you to be your smartest
all you come up with is: It'll be OK
You'd think you'd have learned your way around this
that you'd get wise eventually
but you still freeze up just the same
and by now he's mad you even came
Being friends...
Things never look bleaker
than at four o' clock on Sunday morning
Guess he didn't expect
to be walked home by his ex
Being friends...
It's cold and dark out but a new day is dawning
and though it's hard to imagine finding your way
when you see yourself in the kind light of morning
you know you were right it'll be OK
And one day you'll figure what to say
You need some magic in your life
someone to put you first, make you forget the hurt
a love to carry you so high
someone who knows you
You need a life supporter, wish fulfiller
wall to lean on, steady pillar
someone to kiss your tears away
And if you're slowly turning slightly bitter
a grown up child in need of sitter
don't despair, cause help is on the way
It's hard to live this life alone
but you don't need to, cause somebody's seen you
someone for you to call your own
I'll do my best for you
I'll be your life supporter, wish fulfiller...
I don't know when I stopped hoping for a perfect happy ending
I guess at some point you just settle
If your knight in shining armor never comes around
what can you do but check your options?
find some guy at least who's wearing metal
There might not be genuine affection
but take the lead, I'll take direction
whatever you want, that's what I'll do
Oh, you were hoping to find something sacred?
No big deal, I'm good at faking
We'll have romance, it just won't be true
I'll sort of love you
You'll have your life supporter; wish fulfiller
wall to lean on; steady pillar:
a meticulously choreographed show
I promise I will work hard to seem picture perfect
tell myself it's somehow worth it
with any luck, you'll never know
I'll keep it on the low
Dressed in black or dressed in white, it doesn't matter
the world stops turning when you walk into the room
save the compliments, wrap them up as precious pearls
make sure to pass them on, prove I'm not like other girls
when I'm really much worse
You're beautiful, I love you but I love attention too
it's you're time to shine my dear
but I'm afraid you'll make me disappear
and I know it's in my head but it kills me just the same
I want to be loved most though it makes me so ashamed
Anything to be the prettiest girl at the party
every thing's allowed in love and war
sacrifice your friends and allies for your need to be the best
every night a competition, every boy another test
well, it's time to let it rest
This whine unwound, this song unsung
I bite my lip and hold my tongue
finally you've made it through
and no one deserves this more than you
So I'll just stand here to the side, proud to watch you go
I want to be loved most but nobody needs to know
You're beautiful, I love you I may love attention too
but it's you're time to shine my dear
and that's all that matters
The stuff that goes on in my head always will, not much to do
I want to be loved most but tonight I'm loving you:
This whine unwound, this song unsung
I bite my lip and hold my tongue
finally you've made it through
and no one deserves this more than you
So I'll just stand here to the side, proud to watch you go
I love you more than you will ever know
And nobody needs to know
Open your eyes now, the shadows are gone
We reach for the stars as we're yawning
but look, they're fading, it's finally dawn
I've waited so long for this morning
All those years of too much to juggle
of constant overwhelming struggle
Odds are turning in our favor
let's reap the fruits now, of our labor
Every day though we're further apart
every day closer together
my mind is focused, I'm ready to start
ready to conquer whatever
every day we're growing stronger
no need to wait any longer
follow your dreams to letter
don't give up now you know better
day after day turning into a life
and it's all ours for the taking
as long as we're living, we might as well live right
No compromises, no faking
Tired of almost arriving
sick of patiently abiding
I will follow through this time
if it's the fucking last thing I do
Too much time already wasted
so close now I can almost taste it
I'm not backing down ever again
My time is now
Heart was made of china and you held it in your hand
Knew it couldnt last forever, knew we wouldnt stay together
Every time I saw that look my stomach wanted to burst
And your one million and one Im sorries only made it worse
Everything was hard for you: weighing options, considering odds
For me it was less complicated like some faithful dog I waited
for you to magically make everything OK
When your only plan of action was to quietly slip away
The sad thing about it is I know it was real
I know that you felt it as much as me
Though distance may make hearts grow fonder, time makes feelings pass
Less time wasted contemplating, past affections slowly fading
Into the background of your heart until the day
When you cant even remember why you ever felt that way
Yeah, you probably moved on, its been a long while
You probably dont lay awake at night remembering the way I smile
Were not that alike
I wanted what happened to be kept safe
but photos are worthless and memories fade.
Whenever I would see you, and the world would turn to Technicolor
I'd try to surprise you, just to see you turn around
and suddenly light up with the most beautiful smile
that sent me flying through the universe like I couldn't come down
I was long lost at sea when you waved from the shore
prior engagements a moment ignored
the things you let loose had been so tightly wound
that I nearly asked you to marry me there and then
but I didn't
Unnecessary rides home after nightfall
unfinished sentences, excuses wearing thin
finally one night we just stopped trying to fight it
let go and allowed gravity to pull us in
but when I opened my eyes you were running so fast
prior engagements remembered at last
it weren't a beginning it weren't anything
and I looked up, cause I thought the sky would fall down
but it didn't
for once in my life I had let my heart melt
for once in my life I was sure of what I felt
finally ready to let myself go
I guess some things work out and some things don't
It's just stupid trying to break rules that don't even bend
prior engagements win out in the end
floating and falling; I couldn't tell them apart
I was so ready to give you my heart
impatiently waiting for this new life to start
but for that to happen you had to want you part
and you didn't
Always running down the street
late again, will you ever learn?
You smile at everyone you meet
hoping they'll love you in turn
Converse wearing warrior, you're not afraid
this heart is open, easily broken
the fire burning in your heart will never fade
you're beautiful lightning helps me keep fighting
When you can't tell friend from foe
and you're overcome with fear
don't forget what we both know
the strength you need is already there
The tunnel may be dark, the light so far
but I know you can do it, I'll help you through it
and one day, when you have reached that shining star
when you're finally facing your destination
I'll be there to hold your hand
I'll never turn away from you
You have made me understand
what love can be when it is true
Youre gazing into my eyes
Pupils all open wide
Im laughing at what I did
Youre easy to play, kid
You hang on every meaningless word I say,
Take my hand when I look away
Pouring your whole little heart right out
You know, I liked you so much better fore you opened your mouth
Dont lean on me, I can't even hold my own weight
I see what youre doing and I wont take the bait
I know that hungry look in your eyes
Youre waiting for a love that can save you life
But guess what Im not your soul mate and I cant help you out
If thats what you were thinking, Im telling you now
Im taking you home tonight
You didnt even put up a fight
Look how Ive made you fall
Still hours from last call
Chugging beers that I cant afford
To hide the fact that Im getting bored
I think you have me confused
With someone whod be interested in someone like you
Don't lean on me...
I dont intend to change your life
I dont intend to make you special
Youre no one to me, you're no one to me
I barely have my head above water
I dont need you to drag me down
Youre no one to me, you're no one to me please
Don't lean on me...
For whatever its worth:
get out while you still can fore someone really gets hurt
Im not your soul mate
I can't help you out
My darling, you said as I walked in the train station,
rescuing me from the heaviest bag
Thank you for bringing this, even though I was a bastard
and left you alone with the cab
You looked so guilty we both had to smile
and at once I felt calmer than in a long while
And as we sat down with the others to laugh bout the
party I felt a peculiar high:
Closer than lovers and closer than friends
youre the one thing in my life that will never end
Youre dropping out I guess my batterys dying
but Ill call you tomorrow and miss you til then.
I dreamed of a street, your parents were there
A dark night with bright sirens flashing everywhere
Glare from the wet pavement filled up my eyes
as they rolled you away I just walked back inside
At this point I only saw you in dreams
our tie was more vulnerable than it seemed
and while I was dreaming, you scowered the streets
searching for a light sharp enough to blind you
Friends come and go, they grow apart gradually
hardly any cause for alarm
But what you didnt say; what I never knew
Was that you shut me out to keep me from harm
Keeping your guard as you always were
secret identity intact
cause who'd save the day if the brave Super Girl
even once let herself be unmasked
Look at us breaking our hearts to stay safe
never stopping to realize we're kidding ourselves
self hatred dressed up as self preservation
is all we have left at the end of the day
Another wet street, another year
You tell me what happened when I wasn't there
It's like seeing you for the first time, so much beauty
you never felt safe enough to show me
You let me see you in all your weakness
never have you looked so strong
your fight is nowhere near over, but something has begun
you've found that you don't belong
back in that heartbreaking, hateful world
you're beautiful; hold your head high
you're as perfect as humans will get, Super Girl
spread your cape wide and take to the sky
go on and fly
Everything is pretty much under control, I feel like
I'm closer than before
to being whoever it is I'm trying to be
and yet I'm somehow sure
This house of cards will fall
no matter what I do
I live to hide my faults
why do they shine right through?
The ghosts are safely locked inside their closet
I say my prayers at night
Day by day by week my life is moving on
without apparent disaster right?
But this house of cards...
Not on good terms with my past
try my damndest to outrun it
unfortunately, I'm not that fast
and seeing as no one else has done it
This house of card will fall no matter what I do
I live to hide my faults why do they shine, they shine so clearly
I work so hard to change, I hope you see I'm working on it
I fall short every time, though.
Everything is pretty much under control, I feel like
I'm closer than before.